I always feel I am doing nothing on this planet except growing old whenever my birthday is around the corner. Every birthday I promise myself that I shall find the reason to live or the reason to write a book. The former never gets formulated and the latter keeps on dealing with the subject matter.
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| Carefree Childhood days |
So I decided to travel to places to remember what I was made of and visited the people who crafted a man out of a toddler. This led me to Udaipur, my birth place. The city of lakes that taught me change is inevitable and it kills if you don’t accept it in life. The second stop was my kindergarten that taught me the faller is destined to succeed. The third was my college which once taught me love and success can go in hand. And out of everything I grounded one fact: Needless to say, the fact bearer told me all life what I have spent was in vain as I had been running after things that my parents, teachers and some of my friends asked me to chase for.
I still remember the days of my childhood when jalebi was sweeter and reminded me of the advertisement wherein a boy is convinced to return to his home when he was promised ‘jalebi’. I was so care free and ready to tell people what I knew forgetting the fact how much they know or what they wished to know.
My favorite color was the one that my English teacher wore and it changed around four times in a week.
There were no paychecks but the two rupee note and a ‘Poppins’ in my hand made me felt like a king.
The time when Batman and Spiderman looked great on paper rather than making me wait for the sequels that come every season to bore.
There were no mobile phones and my parents knew wherever I would be in this world I would return in a ‘single piece’ with my bicycle by 7 pm in the evening.
There was no Google still I knew what to search for and where the answers were hidden.
I had smiling faces around me not a book of faces saying where they are spending their honeymoons or which college they are studying in…!!!
I had a pencil and a rubber that lasted for a week and now I never see my pencil’s final notch sharpened up or changing my roller pen’s refill.There were sparrows and squirrels I used to run after and spent my time watching clouds changing their shapes from elephants to horses.
The crayons that colored my life and made it look vibrant not the blunt bank’s SMS in my smart phone saying about my purchases and meager bank balance.
I had love and the only thing that broke my heart was the moment when she said to me that her frock is brighter than my pants.
I never had the feeling of losing somebody or something except my new compass that I got free with ‘Bournvita’.
The months when I waited for the school to reopen and wished to see her with a new water bottle rather than the appraisals that I now carve and crib for.
Let me tell you a true story. When I was in 4th grade we had a surprise drawing exam. And it really ‘surprised’ me. The teacher told us to draw a free hand sketch and the white sheets that looked like dinner table napkins came to my bench. I read the words ‘free’ and ‘hand’ and traced my hand on the sheet, colored it with the color of the skin and wrote in the centre ‘Free Hand’ and left the class room within 15 minutes. The teacher laughed and I got a ‘D’. But the lesson learnt was my shelling out what I knew. I failed the Ph.D interview at some IIT last fortnight. After passing 3 rounds, I feared to express what I knew in the interview. And once again life placed me on the crossroads that say where to go with a lot of sign boards luring me to them.
Closing my eyes, remembering what ‘Into the Wild’ meant and now finding a reason to live because this life can’t be a reason to die.
Now Listening:
Wo Kagaaz Ki Kashti; Wo Baarish Ka Paani…
The reason why my calendar days pass is a mystery and I am on the way to my answers…!!!
Amit Purohit
The Lone Soldier
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